The White Flag

Then he thought, after the long reign of summer sun comes a little interlude of rain shower. He thought it was refreshing, while some living muscles tell him it feels gloomy. The sky looks sad, the rain showers look life millions of tears coming from a very frightening domain. The man in him can’t help but be vulnerable. Once again, the defenses of strong facade break down and he just went with the strong force of thinking back his life.

What makes a person happy?
What makes a person feel gloomy?

He instantly thought that without aims to defy norms, it’s really not the tangible, material things that make him happy. Not the hottest gadget or huge bank account. He banks on people. His happiness depends on how other people are doing with their life. He always hopes for their happiness and wellness. It comes naturally for him to care and check on every person who matter in his life from time to time.

Selfless?

You may say so, but it’s not the significant point. He realized that it’s like a parasite’s deal to get happiness from others after hearing a lot of wise men say that happiness is found within, it is innate. They said no one should seek happiness from others. No one should be a parasite.

He cant help but feel sorry for the man in him; the man who would go beyond what’s possible to show care and importance. He can’t seem to get the point that sometimes, too much care is like an encrypted note of dismissal.

Today, he plans to stay still and hold on to what’s real and what’s more important. He raises a red flag for people who shamelessly ignore the efforts of someone caring for them. At the same time, he raises a white flag for the man who tries so hard just to be noticed. With all hopes, may he rest in peace.

DROPPING THE CHASE - Second Realization

For years, I thought that life would be happier if we please the people around us- and so I did. I even thought that pleasing new acquaintances can bring me possibilities for lifelong friendships – so I did. I was partly wrong and partly right. I find happiness in seeing people dear to me comfortable because they have me around. I am happy helping. I am happy reaching out. I often pretend to be okay whenever a friend would approach me for help, when in fact I am also screaming inside to release some anxiety. I often chase for attention. I would always try to check on everyone just to see if their doing okay. I guess I’ve done too much. Too much that I’m thinking these people see me as an element of annoyance already.

I am done pleasing others.

But I will never be done looking out to those people who fill my book with great stories.

Unlike before, I would look after them from a far. The chase for attention and simple replies shall end here, right at this very post. It’s true when they say that we often appreciate others in moments of their absence. I hope to justify this cliché this year. Will I ever create a need? I guess there’s a thin border line between being positive and friendly and annoying and attention deficiency. And I refrain to embrace the latter.

I realize people will not always need our help. Sometimes, they need silence and space. Sometimes, they need to build strength and solve their dilemmas on their own. Unfortunately, sometimes some people would be happier without us in their lives. And sometimes, we just have to live with it and hope that one inevitable day; they will come back seeking not for our help but for a smile, a talk, and a hug.