I have a lot of girl friends and just recently, I learned that most of my girl friends’ boyfriends are having this idea that their girlfriends are giving much more special attention towards me. Jealous boyfriends make me fell weird. I was really surprised and I find it hard now figuring out how to deal with these guys once we set faces again. It went a little too over the top when my friends won’t inform their boyfriends that I’m with them every time we go out – what is this crap?
And then, a friend gave her opinion on this issue- “Im surprised as well! Hindi naman si Denis yung type na pang-romance.” And what is this another crap? I don’t know what to feel- flattery or annoyance? Then again, maybe this is really how I presented myself- always the “friend”. Oh well, actually I have this cool relationship with all of my girl friends from grade school to college. It’s a little truthful but hey its still jolting.
So, maybe Im no hot guy, eye candy or a head turner. Maybe I’m the easy to get with, well-articulated, humor-glossed guy. Maybe Im not the real boy toy. Maybe I have to deal with the fact that Im treated all the time as “the friend”. Whether this is good or bad, all i care is that i maintain good relationships with people who make my life a little bit interesting.
Bitch! April exclaimed after a lady in the train pushed her. I told her people at our back are annoyingly noisy, it’s like they own the train. Once again she told me that they could be a crowd of bitches. April doesn’t own a bad mouth. She’s on a dilemma learning her friend is in a really bad situation. I have been thinking about this thought for a long time, and it was somewhat defined- Bitches are everywhere.
Some of us may find the term cool. We may even use it to illustrate a feisty attitude or a fierce moment orchestrated by someone. In contrast, we all know that a bitch is naturally bad. The connotation for the term has never been true blue cool. I had my share of different encounters wherein I silently shouted just within myself the word “bitch” to calm myself down from a very bad situation.
I would narrate my stories without defining gender. That would appear biased.
Bitch on the road. I once offered this old lady a seat in the bus because one, she’s having a hard time and two, I hate seeing an old lady standing. When I stood up, a bitch immediately took my seat and the lady just smiled at me and said “it’s okay dear”. The bitch did not show any sign of appreciation and sat there like nothing really happened. I thought it was really unbelievable.
Normal is bitch too. Unlike our common characterization of bitches, some commoners can put on the act too. Say a sales person tired of working. You would approach one to ask for assistance or information and all you’d get is a stiff face and a one word answer. Not that I rally for the “my money provides your salary” thing, but I believe this kind of job requires a bit of enthusiasm right?
Nature can be a bitch too. Imagine commuting while there is a thunder storm. Imagine all the mud in your shoes. Imagine wet umbrellas being forced in your skin because vehicles are all too tight. No, i wont blame mother nature, but why does some thunder storms are way too destructive?Another bitch is time. I have been running against or for it for quite a long time. And mind you, I never win. Why should time exist? Why should everything be set with Time limit? Like why should there be length for movies? An hour for a massage? A minute or two for a kid’s little Ferris wheel? A day to meet someone dear to you? A month of vacation? Why should there be an idea of time constraint? They said no team really lose a basketball game, they just ran out short of time.
Would you blame me if I consider time a bitch?
FROM WIKIPEDIA:
Bitch, a term for the female of a canine species in general, is frequently used as a term for a malicious, spiteful, domineering, intrusive, or unpleasant person, especially a woman. This second meaning has been in use since around 1400.[1] When used to describe a male, it may also confer the meaning of "subordinate", especially to another male, as in prison. Generally, this term is used to indicate that the person is acting outside the confines of their gender roles, such as when women are assertive or aggressive, or when men are passive or servile. More recent variants of bitch are bitchy, ill-tempered (1925), and to bitch, to complain (1930).[1]
For years, I thought that life would be happier if we please the people around us- and so I did. I even thought that pleasing new acquaintances can bring me possibilities for lifelong friendships – so I did. I was partly wrong and partly right. I find happiness in seeing people dear to me comfortable because they have me around. I am happy helping. I am happy reaching out. I often pretend to be okay whenever a friend would approach me for help, when in fact I am also screaming inside to release some anxiety. I often chase for attention. I would always try to check on everyone just to see if their doing okay. I guess I’ve done too much. Too much that I’m thinking these people see me as an element of annoyance already.
I am done pleasing others.
But I will never be done looking out to those people who fill my book with great stories.
Unlike before, I would look after them from a far. The chase for attention and simple replies shall end here, right at this very post. It’s true when they say that we often appreciate others in moments of their absence. I hope to justify this cliché this year. Will I ever create a need?I guess there’s a thin border line between being positive and friendly and annoying and attention deficiency. And I refrain to embrace the latter.
I realize people will not always need our help. Sometimes, they need silence and space. Sometimes, they need to build strength and solve their dilemmas on their own. Unfortunately, sometimes some people would be happier without us in their lives. And sometimes, we just have to live with it and hope that one inevitable day; they will come back seeking not for our help but for a smile, a talk, and a hug.
Mellow drama, some considerable achievements, expected failures, right leveled happiness, sudden escapes, beautiful friendships, down sides, ignorance, resentment, desperation, triumph, self-discovery, and tighter relationship with God- ideas and thoughts that went about in my 2008. I’m not sure if I have included all the stimuli and humanly defined terms in all these, but it doesn’t matter because I didn’t plan to start this writing with those words anyways.
Realizations – I had a lot of these during the holiday break. Realizations that went about in between party get goes, reunions, stressful travels and unbelievable expenses brought about by my aim to make my love ones feel like they are blessed same way that I feel so blessed by the past year.
I have a lot of realizations, so in between current affairs post that I might put here, REALIZATIONS articles will reign all throughout January. This will happen because this blog shall serve the main purpose it was built for- for me to speak my mind out and put my words into a web bank for me to look back and be surprised by writings that made sense, non sense and stuffs that I wouldn’t even care to shrug with or lift a muscle to create any reaction.
So here goes my first realization, PRAYERS
As human, we face the world full of things necessary and unnecessary. Things can be happy or sad, stressful or free and easy. I learned why population and urban nations exist, because no one can really survive alone. You may be living and running your own house, but buying commodities outside or attending to your personal needs will always include human interactions. Interaction will always be a two way thing. But what if time, proximity and even psychology won’t permit us to obtain any interaction in some points of our daily deliverance? Would we conclude to losing our minds? Or be Nancy Drew and search for some child-motivated crime scenes?
We don’t.
We turn to God. We talk to Him through whispered or loud prayers. I realized that human interaction can be a great savior of human sane. But I realized that prayers are indeed powerful. We don’t hear God respond real time. We don’t get a hug or kiss from Him. We don’t see Him laugh or cry with our stories. But, in this unexplainable context, we feel and hear his reply by heart. We don’t interact with Him physically, but our thoughts are being answered with us aware of it.
Prayer is my sanctuary. It has been tested. It can be done anytime, anywhere and for all situations- be it grief, happiness, confusion or hate, a prayer will always make you breathe easier and sleep sounder.
A year full of prayers to all of us! Prayers that can move even the most futile son of God.
More SERIOUS realizations for the whole month...I hope you can keep up.
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